Friday, April 10, 2015

Starting Over.....4/6/2015

So, today starts my second attempt at losing weight. Looking back at the last time I posted makes my heart heavy. The day before our lives would change forever. I was so happy. I was doing so good. Then the unthinkable happened. Since then, I have given into the anxiety and depression that follows finding out one of your children are gravely ill and the need to feel some sort of satisfaction, even if only momentarily, and ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I wasn't able to continue working out....and well, here I am. Not only have I gained every pound back that I had lost, I've put on more. Talk about adding to my already overwhelming depression!! Now that our lives have settled some and we have been able to resume some sort of life a midst this nightmare, I have to get back up and try again. I wanted so desperately to have the lap-band surgery done. That way no matter what happens I would not be able to return to food for my comfort. Which is a big fear that I have. But, our insurance doesn't cover it....so I will have to conquer my weight and myself. I pray my depression gets better as I begin to work out again. I know it really helped me before and I pray it will do so again and maybe even more so than last time. I have a secret fear of having breakdowns while I work out. Exercise truly cleanses your body and soul, and I have A LOT of emotional baggage tucked and hidden away right now.


*Ok, so I never got around to finishing this and posting it. Ha, I have been doing good with my eating (to a point) and I got on the scale and seen I had lost almost 7 lbs. since I last weighed. That was encouraging!! However, yesterday depression got me and I did not eat well. I had a good amount of chocolate, and missed lunch all together....

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